Conan Gets Angry



Everywhere I go, people want to know........

GRAHHH!!! Not that song again! Play something else! PLAY SOMETHING ELSE!

pantpant......

Ahh, Bee gees... To love somebody, the waaay I love you...

WHAT'S THAT, STORMFIELD? NO, I WILL NOT KEEP IT DOWN! HERE, HAVE A SALAD PLATE TO THE HEAD!

As I was saying. You Americans pride yourselves on keeping 'open minds', but I don't buy it. You can't seem to stand the sight of an innocent barbarian hulking down the streets in a leapord skin vest. I was wearing a loin-cloth, for Crom's sake! But nooooo, y'all had to point and laugh, and whisper, and make me feel baaaad. Yes, my cheeks were burning! My cheeks turned pink!! Maybe you people don't understand this, but CONAN'S CHEEKS DO NOT TURN PINK! This is greatly disturbing. It may require contemplation.

And furthemore, for a people who pride themselves on keeping an open mind, you sure are close-minded about your money. What are these puny green scrolls? In Cimmeria, you would have been gutted for trying to pass this off as money!

Of course, in Cimmeria our god Crom demands an annual sacrifice of boogers.

Back to the topic at hand. I tried to pay for this apartment with a couple of the Cursed Jewels of Samrakand. You know what they told me? "That's not money."

THAT'S NOT MONEY!!!! KINGS HAVE FOUGHT WHOLE CRUSADES OVER THESE JEWELS! CIVILIZATIONS HAVE RISEN AND FALLEN AROUND THEM! AND YOU'RE GOING TO SIT THERE AND TELL ME THAT'S NOT MONEY?!?!?!?

The lady at the desk sat there for a couple minutes while the echoes of my nearly inhuman roar died away, and the devilish aspect went out of my face, and the bar of iron I was bending came to a screeching halt. And she said,

"Yes."

GRAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

But there was nothing to be done. The authorites, the many many many authorities who soon showed up there, were on her side, and they said the lawyers would be too. At that point I knew it was time to haul out my sword and cut my way out of there; for if there is one thing I hate worse than people who don't accept precious stones as money, it's lawyers!

So I have to hide out in Stormfield's flat for a while, till things calm down a bit. Then I have to to the untinkable. The thing that Conan pledged as a young man he would never do, but which your close-minded society has forced upon him: Get. A. JOB.